Are we the right kind of friend? In a world of “what’s in it for me”, it’s common practice to leverage professional relationships for gain, but what about when it comes to personal relationships?

Specifically, friendships.

We may not intentionally entertain to gain or pretend to befriend, but intentional or not, it happens.

I was the shy, quiet girl growing up in the burbs. Mom was slightly overprotective, so in my early elementary years, I’m pretty sure she used to bribe kids to come play so I wouldn’t have to leave the yard. These bribes of sugary treats and Kool-Aide worked well for awhile but eventually, I had to make true friends who didn’t hang out with me just for the snacks.

As silly as that may sound, sometimes even as adults we play this game. We are drawn to friends with connections, friends who can get us in somewhere or take us to somewhere, friends who are where we want to be.

None of these scenarios is particularly bad until we find ourselves feeling jealous, coveting, and using friendships with an end-goal of self.

True friendship seeks nothing in return. True friendship is when we don’t ask what’s in it for me. True friendship is when we expect no payback hospitality and have no reverse expectations. Maybe the life your friend is currently experiencing doesn’t allow for the same freedoms you have. This doesn’t mean the relationship is one-sided, it means taking turns investing in what matters, taking turns investing in what each is able to give. The key is staying connected.

Just one caution, there are boundaries when relationships become all take and no give. It can be difficult to recognize at first, but if you’re feeling exhausted and discouraged trying to be a friend to someone it may be time to step away for a season. If our tanks are below empty we won’t have anything left to give in the areas of life where we are most needed.

Friendship is Joy, Fun, Seasons in the Sun, But Not Always

Friendships go through many seasons, and truth be told, in some seasons it’s just too hard for both to invest evenly into the relationship. That is the beauty of true friendship.

This unique relationship reminds me of a see-saw (aka teeter-totter). When one side is up the other is down but in order for it to function, you always need two, otherwise, you will always stay down.

When we distribute weight evenly we balance right in the middle. But what fun is a see-saw that stays in the middle? The best ride happens in the ups and downs. That’s when the heart is tested and the friendship bond either strengthens or buckles under the weight.

There are different degrees of friendships, for sure: Cordial, casual, and deep. Those deep friendships are safe places where wise counsel is received and that person can be trusted with valuable treasures of the heart. Deep friendship is a place where you don’t have to wonder where you stand because you have no doubt your friend will stand with you.

Are we that kind of friend?

Photo by Katie Treadway on Unsplash

“The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.” Proverbs 27:9 NLT

If we’re confusing friendship with lendship or worse yet, a-means-to-an-endship, we’re doing it wrong because, in our relationships, we shouldn’t be saying what’s in it for me, we should be saying we’re in it for us.

Jesus is our greatest friend and when we are more like Him, we can be that right kind of friend to that friend who needs us. And we need them, too.

When we live and love beyond ourselves, beyond our own needs, Jesus fills our cup to overflowing, just when we thought we had no more to give.

Relationships are gifts, some for a season and some for a lifetime. When God is at the center of our friendships, there’s no limit to what He can do in the lives of two.

Call to Action

How can we invest well in our friendships? Let’s make an effort to heal what’s broken, encourage connection, and allow God to breathe life into our relationships. They’re worth it.

(Featured Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash)