“You have a mass in your liver.”
I gripped the phone tighter as the woman on the other end rambled on about ordering more tests. Her tone was so matter-of-fact, it was as if she was talking about what she had for lunch that afternoon. Didn’t she even consider the impact of her words or hear the quiver in my voice as I responded?
A mass in my liver?
I imagined something the size of Jupiter. I mean isn’t a mass massive?
She gave me no answers, none that would bring peace anyway. Truth is, she just didn’t have any answers. Nobody else did either, without further testing.
Except for God.
Panic set in as my mind wandered down dark alleys of worst-case-scenarios. I called my pastor’s wife for prayer. I told my family. I was sick, friend. Really sick. I couldn’t keep anything down and everything I ate brought pain and more nausea. I was withering away, eating nothing but jello and chicken broth.
I practically wrote my own eulogy as I mourned the calling I would never fulfill. I didn’t even know what that was, but I felt the loss of it all the same.
I had a long conversation with the great I Am…
What is happening, God? I thought I was made for more, meant for more. I have books to write, places to go, family to care for. What will happen to them if something happens to me?
I doubted. I feared. I cried.
All I remember after that was walking into the kitchen, probably to grab a jello, and there on the side of the fridge was my answer. Stuck on by a magnet and surrounded by a collage of family photos was the bulletin from church I had saved from 9/16/2001. We all know what that week was about.
That bulletin had been stuck to the fridge for 4 years. The photos may have been changed, but the anchor in the middle stayed the same. Four years on the fridge, yet on that day, the scripture verse on the front of that bulletin fed my soul and sank into my heart like never before:
“Don’t be afraid; just believe.” Mark 5:36b NIV
God spoke directly to me and I heard Him loud and clear. I knew I was going to be okay, and I was.
It turned out the mass was more like the size of a pea than Jupiter. A liver hemangioma–a benign tangle of blood cells. Sorry for the TMI, but it was the best news I could have ever received. The true culprit of my woes was a gallbladder gone rogue. A much better diagnosis than I had originally imagined.
Suddenly life became more alive. Life was afresh again with unspeakable joy and immeasurable value.
Friend, God’s Word is a powerful defense against our doubts, fears, and insecurities. God’s Word secures our hope and solidifies our calling. God’s Word obliterates doubt. But we have to believe it.
What do you doubt today, friend?
Your worth, your abilities, your value?
Do you doubt your voice matters and that you can make an impact in this crazy, broken world?
Pick up your Sword and swing it high. The fight is fought with the Word and that, my friend, is a powerful weapon and doubt is no match for it.
Do you want to hear something ironic and comforting?
We can arm ourselves with the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God, yet it is the Lord Himself who fights for us. We need only be still because the battle is the Lord’s. He does not put doubt in our heads; We take care of that ourselves with our own faulty thinking and believing in the lies the enemy dishes out.
When doubt rises up, slice it with your Sword because when we divide doubt, it cannot stand.
Can you get a visual on that? Oh, yeah. Powerful stuff to snuff out doubt.
We have no time for doubt when God’s plans are waiting for us. Your calling can only be fulfilled by you.
Are you ready? No? Good. Then you’re ready. Because if we waited until we felt ready we’d be trying to do it by our own power.
What is this calling thing exactly?
Our calling is whatever we use our God-given gifts to do. I truly believe we are called to different things in different seasons of our lives. Our gifts are keys to our calling. God equips us to step out of doubt and be His hands and feet. God knows our doubts but He also knows our hearts.
This struggle with doubt is nothing new; It’s been around a good long while. That crafty serpent put doubt in Eve’s mind and she crumbled like a cookie.
When Moses doubted his ability to speak, do you know what God said to him?
“Who gave human being their mouths?” Yes, God said that. Isn’t that awesome?
What excuses are we giving God because we doubt our ability?
Do we realize when we doubt ourselves we are doubting God’s ability to equip us and use us for His glory? I know, it’s mind-blowing, but it’s true.
What deals are we making with God so we can stay put when He calls us to go?
“Don’t let difficulty keep you from going where God wants you to go. God will make a way” – Christine Caine, Undaunted.
If we don’t step out of our doubt and into our calling, someone else will be called to step up and get the job done. You might have days when that actually sounds appealing. The only thing is this:
Friend, pick up your Sword and your unique, fearfully wonderfully made self, and allow God to do exceedingly, abundantly more in and through you than you could ever ask or imagine.
Walk without doubt in the present and laugh without fear of the future. Proverbs 31 gives us permission.
Where does your passion collide with compassion? Where do your dreams collide with how God has gifted you?
Stepping out of our doubt and into our calling is the most exciting thing we will ever do. It encompasses all of God’s plans for us and enables us to impact the lives of others.
Do you feel a call on your heart yet not sure of what it is?
The Lord promises when we seek we will find, so ask Him to show you and He will. Thankfully, He does not reveal our entire plan all at once; God teaches us patience and uses great care in making our paths known to us.
“You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.” Psalm 16:11 (NASB)
Photo by Katerina Radvanska on Unsplash
When we are in Christ, we have at least one spiritual gift. Would you like more information on spiritual gifts?
For a list of spiritual gifts, a free spiritual gifts survey, and other related resources, check out this page on LifeWay
Friend, live your real life, the one God planned for you before you were formed in the secret place. May you feel His joy and follow Him as He directs your steps.
Peace & Joy,
Doris
Do you know Jesus? If you are seeking you will find Him. He knocks on the door of your heart and He is waiting for you to invite Him in. To learn more, read this.
This. Is. Everything. Wow, so incredibly and perfectly articulated! Speaks huge volumes to me! Thank you for such an amazing reminder!
Thank you, Diane, for reading and commenting. So glad this message blessed you and I am blessed by your words as well! Blessings and joy to you, friend!
Great post, Doris. And it seems we share this story. I had something on my liver. And though the first time the spot disappeared. Turns out I had a biopsy and it was benign, it seems that the same doubts still knocked on my door. And the second time, it was also benign. Now you’d think I would have gotten my sword out more quickly, but no. I listened to the whispers from the enemy that this time was different. I think the fact that my mother died at a young age has left it’s mark on me. A headache is never a headache, a palpitation is a coming heart attack, you know the story. But If I’d just remember that God fights our battles, that what he requires is my stillness. Well, I’d probably be more at peace with the next cough or whatever.
Thank you for reading and for your comments, Anne! Wow, you can certainly relate to my experience! I am right there with you, girlfriend. We sure do have a habit of allowing our minds to go to the worst when God wants to give us His best. I’m so sorry for the losses you have had in your life. Precious ones to you. Blessings and may we draw our Swords together!