A guest post by Blythe Daniel and Dr. Helen McIntosh

“You can do this, Mommy, I know you can.” These were words from my (Blythe) seven-year-old daughter as I prepared to go visit my mom who had just started chemotherapy. Through my tears, my daughter helped me pack my suitcase.

She and my mom have always had a special bond, beyond the name they share. My mom used to tell me, “You can do this, I’m cheering for you.” I have found myself saying those words to her many times in the past year and a half since her chemo and subsequent rebuilding of her health and body from its stripping effects.

Have you sensed when the roles have been reversed in your life and you are cheering on a mom or a father or other family member?  

We often, think, don’t we, that our relationships are somehow top down or even lateral, but what about flipping it to bottom up? What if the younger really was an instrument of healing to help bring encouragement to the older? I’m learning this from my daughters and also as a daughter trying to bring words of life and inspiration to my mom in her comeback journey.

Sometimes walking through hard things together isn’t even about how you get out of it but how you relate to each other in it. Sometimes daughters have to be the mothers speaking truth over the other and holding on to hope for both of you.

Sometimes walking through hard things together isn’t even about how you get out of it but how you relate to each other in it. Share on X

It’s difficult to always walk closely with others, isn’t it? But with Jesus, he is the branch, the tree. As roots provide an anchor from the tree to the soil and absorb nutrients, so Jesus provides deep nourishment to our souls and holds us. He tells us in John 15:4-7 (NASB) that we are to stick close to Him. And in that tight relationship, we have the ability to ask for what we need from a place of abiding, knowing Him.

This makes me think, he knows what I need and he’s just waiting for me to acknowledge that. ⁴ Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit ^[c]of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. ⁵ I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. ⁶ If anyone does not abide in Me, he is thrown away as a branch and dries up; and they gather them, and cast them into the fire and they are burned. ⁷ If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.

Our family branches are often hanging low, aren’t they?

We feel tired and zapped. I watched my older daughter’s homemade bird feeder withstand another Colorado storm. The thin and carefully painted feeder had staying power! And I think, if that little bird feeder can stay on that branch, I too, can surely stay on the branch God has designed for me to be on with Him. He uses my daughters to show me “you can do this hard thing” and hopefully I am doing that for my mom.

Family relationships can be tricky, can’t they? But when we don’t look for our validation from them but from God we can find our words, our responses, and what we need in our lives from God’s good heart. Then we can withstand any shaky place that comes our way. Are you willing to branch out with God in this way?

What might you need to ask God to help you share with your mom or daughter this Mother’s Day?

What would it look like to be the one saying to her, “Whatever is between us, can we agree to say that our relationship is more important than what has created this distance, this disagreement, or difference between us? How do you see me helping bridge us back together”?

When I (Helen) have seen the most repairs between family members it is from the one who initiates conversations before the other in humility and grace-filled speech. Putting yourself out there on the branch for God to hold you up. And only owning what is yours rather than bringing up the other person’s actions or words. Your branches are separate and we don’t want to heap onto someone else’s branch. Too much weight and it snaps. We don’t realize the power of our words to bring healing or hurt. But if we can anticipate and then guide our words toward words that offer a safe place to talk, or write each other our words in advance we will see family lines drawn together again and family trees come alive.

We don’t realize the power of our words to bring healing or hurt. Share on X

We don’t have to live in the patterns of previous generations, but we can start new and create new generational lines between us that are healthy.

If this is your desire, here is a simple prayer you can pray to begin:

Father God, I see that I need your words over my own to make my relationship better with my mom or daughter. I ask you to give me words that will bring fruit to our relationship, healthy conversations and boundaries that you direct, not ones I create that bring distance. Please show me how I can speak lovingly, honestly, and with the goal being to bridge the gap, not create new ones. Thank you for being with me and helping me have the right words for the right season. In your powerful name I pray, Amen.

Daniel and McIntosh are the authors of: Mended: Restoring the Hearts of Mothers and Daughters. They can be found at www.ourmendedhearts.com; Facebook: blythe.daniel; Facebook: TheBlytheDanielAgencyInc; Facebook: helen.b.mcintosh; Instagram: blythe.daniel; Instagram: nannie_7777;Twitter: @blythedaniel; Twitter: @helenbmcintosh

Blythe Daniel is a literary agent and marketer with 20 plus years of experience in publishing. She is a speaker at writer’s conferences and writer for publications. She links hundreds of bloggers with millions of readers through BlogAbout. Her passion is helping authors share their unique stories. She is the daughter of Dr. Helen McIntosh and lives in Colorado with her husband and three children.    

Dr. Helen McIntosh (EdD, Counseling Psychology) is a counselor, speaker, educator, and author of Messages to Myself and Eric, Jose & The Peace Rug®. Her work has appeared in Guideposts, ParentLife, and HomeLife magazines. She resides in Georgia with her husband Jim. They have two children, son Bryan and daughter Blythe, and five grandchildren.

*Hey friends, Doris here! A huge thank you to Blythe & Helen for sharing how God can restore the relationship between mother and daughter! Would you like a copy of their book for yourself or to give as a gift? Share your comments and share this post for a chance to win a copy of Mended: Restoring the Hearts of Mothers and Daughters.

Comment and share between 5/10/19 & 5/17/19 for an opportunity to win a free copy of Mended. The winner will be announced on 5/20/19!

Thank you for reading, friend.

Blessings!

Doris